TMS Online Newspaper

 1.Two clowns eating soup one looks over to the other and says does this taste funny to you..

2.What did one eye say to the other eye?

3.What do you call a pig that knows karate?

4.What pet does everyone have?  

5.Why couldn’t the teddy bear eat his dessert?

6.Why didn’t the skeleton dance?

7.What is in seasons, seconds, centuries and minutes but not in decades, years or days?  

8.The more you have it, the less you see it.  

9.What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs?

10.Why couldn’t the pirates play cards?

Answers!

2. Between you and me, something smells..

3. Pork Chop..

4. An Armpet..

5. He was stuffed!!

6. Because he had no body to dance with.

7. The letter “n”

8. Darkness..

9. A penny..

10. Because the captain was sitting on the deck..

What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers

Who delivers Christmas presents for cats?
Santa Paws

What happened when the snow woman argued with with the snowman?
Nothing-  She gave him the cold shoulder!

Who delivers Christmas presents for cats?
Santa Paws!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snowballs

What do you call a reindeer with ear muffs?
Anything you want- he can’t hear you!

Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey- he’s always stuffed!

How do you know when there is a snowmen in your bed?
You wake up soaking wet!

What bird has wings but cannot fly?
A Roast turkey!

How do the chickens dance at the Christmas party?
Chick to Chick!

Hope you enjoy these

• What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?  Fasten your sheet belt.
• What is a witch with poison ivy called?  An itchy witchy.
• Who does a ghoul fall in love with?  His ghoul friend.
• Where do vampires live?  In the Vampire State Building.
• What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?  A blood hound.
• Why are black cats such good singers?  They’re very mewsical.
• What does a goblin shop for?  Grosseries.
• How can you tell when windows are scared?  They get shudders.
• What do you call serious rocks?  Grave stones
• What’s a goblin’s favorite flavor?  Lemon n’ Slime.
• How do ghosts fly from one place to another?  By scareplane.
• How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?  By witchful thinking.
• What’s a ghoul’s favorite breakfast cereals.  Rice Creepies.
• Why did the witch’s mail rattle?  It was a chain letter.
• What directions did the ghost give the goblin?  “Make a fright and turn at the corner.”
• What do birds give out on Halloween?  Tweets.
• What do skeletons use when they want to chat?  A tele-bone.
• What do you get if you leave a pile of bones in the sun?  A skele-tan.
• What’s the difference between a ghost and a butcher?  One stays awake and the other weighs a steak!
• What’s a mummy’s favorite music?  Wrap Music!
• Where do ghosts mail their letters?  At the ghost office.
• How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?  With a pumpkin patch!
• What do you call a goblin who gets too close to the a bonfire?  Toasty ghosty.
• What do you call ghost with a broken leg?  Hoblin Goblins

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A. He wanted cold hard cash!
——————————————————————————–

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

A. “Is that you, mommy?”
——————————————————————————–

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A. Frostbite.
——————————————————————————–

Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?

A. They take the psycho path.
——————————————————————————–

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?

A. Cell phones.
——————————————————————————–

Q. What do you get from a pampered   cow?

A. Spoiled milk.
——————————————————————————–

Q. Where do polar bears vote?

A. The North Poll
——————————————————————————–

Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?

A. ME!!!
——————————————————————————–

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?

A. In snow banks.
——————————————————————————–

Q. What’s brown and sticky?

A. A stick.
——————————————————————————–

Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?

A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
——————————————————————————–

Q. What dog keeps the best time?

A. A watch dog.
——————————————————————————–

Q. Why did the tomato turn red?

A. It saw the salad dressing!
——————————————————————————–

Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

A. It let out a little wine!
——————————————————————————–

Q. How do you make a tissue dance?

A. Put a little boogey in it!
——————————————————————————–

Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?

A. At the BP station!
——————————————————————————–

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?

A. Odor in the court.
——————————————————————————–

Q. What did the water say to the boat?

A. Nothing, it just waved.
——————————————————————————–

Q. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

A. They don’t have the guts.

I hope you like the jokes that made me laugh my head off.