1.How do you make a goldfish age?

Take out the “g” .

2.What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky.

3.Why did the mother cat move her kittens?
She didn’t want to litter.

4.What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

 ”You’re too young to smoke.”
5.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tarzan
Tarzan who?
‘Tars and stripes forever.

6.Why were there only 18 letters left in the alphabet?

Because E.T. flew off in a U.F.O. and the C.I.S. chased after him.

7.Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
8.Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure.

Hunting implies hit or miss and Chuck Norris never misses.

9.Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
10.Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw “911″ on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
11.A blonde was determined to show his wife he wasn’t stupid so he painted the kitchen.
When she came back from work she said “the kitchen looks great but why are you wearing three jackets?”

The paint said best with three coats

12.What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run…she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.